Midlife can be a little like the teenage years at times.
We’ve “been there, done that,” we are sure we know what works and what doesn’t, and we don’t want other people telling us what to do.
Hmm, and you thought we’d grown up.
The difference between being 16 and being 46 or 56 is that we have done a lot, learned a lot, and know ourselves pretty well. So we get to decide if something is going to work or not right? Yes, if we are satisfied with our lives and open to new ideas. Not entirely if we would like some things to be different and can’t find our way there.
So many midlife women say “I don’t know what’s next, I don’t know what I want, and what the heck “should” I be doing with my life cause what I’m doing now isn’t working?” Yet, suggest options such as coaching, exploring the spiritual side, or taking a course on self discovery and many will turn their noses up or say, “Not going to work, too woo-woo, I don’t have time, I don’t have the money, I’m not that type, I need real help.”
Real help as in what your girlfriends tell you-or won’t–who have been listening to you complain about how your life is not what you want it to be?
Real help as in your partner, spouse, significant other who “loves you just the way you are” and “why would you want to go and change things when we are so comfortable right now?”
Real help is whatever is going to shake you loose from your comfort zone and release what’s in there that is the more of you that wants out.
It has to be something you are not currently doing right? It might even be something you think is weird but comes recommended by others you know or respect and admire.
The very first course on self-development I ever took was The Landmark Forum. I’d dabbled with things in college but never signed up and paid money to partake in a formal 3-day affair complete with partner exercises etc. I resisted taking this particular course for about 6 years from the time I was introduced to it. Part of me wanted to try it because I wanted to become a better person. (Trust me I had no idea how much work that would be.)
Most of me thought “Oh I know all about that crap, you sit in a room til your bladder is ready to burst, they make you cry, blah blah, blah.” So I resisted taking what I now know was inspired action.
When I did accept a friend’s invitation to go with her it was because we’d seen an amazing transformation in a former boyfriend who I remained close to. He acted in ways that only someone who had experienced a profound shift could be acting from.
Day One–My attitude was less than open, I had, not unlike my teenage self, complaints about the room, the chair, the air; you name it I was over it.
Then our trainer for the weekend, Sophie, came up on stage and spoke. I have no idea what she said but she told a tragic personal story and I was enthralled by her energy. Some part of me wanted to be on that stage.
Then she introduced rules we had to agree to. Connection lost because like my inner teenager I did not do rules.
At times I wanted to leave but the more-of-me that wanted out of my limited way of being with others kept me in the seat. The resistance “protecting” who I thought it was cool to be was so fortress-like that as Sophie poured more of her energy and heart into the room, I shrank and held on tighter to my limited self.
Until being in that room with that amazing trainer cracked me open. I couldn’t hold on any longer. I broke down. Something made a tiny chink in my armor and some of my worst ways of being seeped out.
Finally there was room for something new, something positively different and lighter to fill me up. And by the end I knew I wanted to do “that” with my life, help people find the more-of-them that will allow them to live fully.
Had I allowed my know-it-all self-aka inner teen– to keep me from buying a ticket, to leave when I hated it, to hold on to my smug way of doing the world, I would not be enjoying life the way I do today. Was it an overnight transformation? Absolutely not and the journey is far from over. What I learned in that first room was this, agreeing to try something suggested by people I trust, and who love me, is not necessarily a bad idea. Often it’s how our secret requests of god, spirit, the universe, get answered, through others suggestions. Sometimes it’s a book that you are offered, another time it might be a recommendation to a speaker or a course.
If you are hoping for something to shift, some new direction to make itself known, or some new way of doing your lifestyle choices to smack you upside the head, I suggest you send your inner teen to her room when reviewing your options. Nothing happens til someone moves and nothing of consequence will ever change if we are sure we’ve been everywhere and done everything that might help.
Want more inspiration on how to create a body and a life you love? Grab my free report on The 5 Things Every Midlife Woman Must Know To Rock The Second Half at http://MidlifeWithAVengeance.com
Gregory Anne Cox is a certified weight loss and life coach, former professional chef who has been dishing up all you can eat servings of women’s health and nutrition information for years. She is the midlife women’s go to gal for feeling better at midlife.
